The Ragamuffin Gospel

Have you read The Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning?

If you have not please do. If you have... read it again!

I can't stop being blessed by this book.

I recommend Brennan Manning in general. He is very smart (honestly, a little over my head at times) but he writes about grace, and the gospel with a genuine passion that I've truly never experienced before. Something about the way he words things just hit me so hard.

When I read I tend to stop and journal the quotes or passages that really get to me. I'm a kinesthetic learner- I learn by doing so the act of writing helps me remember things and also lets them soak in better. But when I'm reading The Ragamuffin Gospel I just want to write it all.

His wording is perfect and he balances ugly honest truth with pure grace beautifully.

This morning I was going to write about how yesterday I had this great, productive day. I was so proud because I got my laundry done, cooked dinner (ok it was a 4 ingredient crock pot soup but it's Hunter's fave so it counts), worked on a Sugar Mama order, vacuumed and worked out. All in one day! I was feeling like I've finally arrived. Like I've figured it out and I now know how to be awesome at being a mama, business owner, wife, healthy, fulfilled woman.

Yep, that's what I was going to write. Well, along those lines anyway.

And then I read this:

The tilted halo of the save sinner is worn loosely and with easy grace. We have discovered that the cross accomplished far more than revealing the love of God. The blood of the Lamb points to the truth of grace: what we cannot do for ourselves, God has done for us.

So... I guess I can't take a whole lot of credit for my awesome day yesterday.

BUT I can give thanks and praise for it! And even better, I can ease up when I think of almost every day before that wasn't nearly as awesome.

You know, the days that I wore the same sweats I slept in... ALL day. The days that we ate peanut butter toast for dinner and I welcomed Hunter home from work in tears because "I'm an idiot for thinking I could ever have a business" and "our daughter deserves better than me, I don't even know what I'm doing".

The point is God gave us grace because He knows we need it.

So who are we to refuse it and try to do better on our own?

Bad News/ Good News

I'm taking a little break from Field Trip Friday this week because we were moving all last weekend... which is pretty much the opposite of a fun field trip. I'll be giving my self an attitude check instead :)

Bad News- My baby has developed a new habit of screaming every time she's in the car seat. So lame.

Good News- She's super chill most of the rest of the time... um and really cute :)

Bad News- I still haven't started on Lily's Halloween costume.

Good News- Even if I'm up all night tomorrow, it's going to be SO GREAT!

Bad News- Moving into the in-laws basement.

Good News- The in -laws are incredibly supportive and amazingly generous... and in 18 months we get to buy our very own home... in our dream neighborhood... also no more dealing with the jerk of a duplex neighbor who lived downstairs.

I was way super sad about leaving Lily's sweet room and my lovely kitchen. BUT I do know that this is a the right place for us right now. It will be so worth it when we get to buy our own little home on Pearl Street :)

To get myself more excited, I'm going to blog about transforming the basement into our cozy little temporary HOME... on a tiny budget (the whole point is to save for a down payment remember?). So I'll be reducing, reusing and gettin' real creative up in here!!

Psalm 81:1-7

Today sucks. Sorry for the negativity but I'm kind of in this mood where I just want to wallow in self pity... and bake. (It's my therapy.) But Lil just won't sleep. So I'm forced to put on my big girl panties and be a good mama. Fold clothes. Play with my baby and her babydoll. Smile instead of cry (ok maybe a little of both).

Sing praises to God,

our strength.

Sing to the God of Jacob.

Sing! Beat the tambourine.

Play the sweet lyre and the harp.

Blow the ram’s horn at new moon,

and again at full moon to call a festival!

For this is required by the decrees of Israel;

it is a regulation of the God of Jacob.

He made it a law for Israel when he attacked Egypt

to set us free.

I heard an unknown voice say,

“Now I will take the load from your shoulders;

I will free your hands from their heavy tasks.

You cried to me in trouble,

and I saved you;

I answered out of the thundercloud and tested your faith when there was no water at Meribah."

The Sing Off?

Seriously, does anyone else LOVE The Sing Off? Please someone say yes. I really love it so much.

Mostly because Ben Folds is a judge I think... I really like Ben Folds. Especially when he sings The Luckiest. Go ahead and listen. I would listen with you, but it makes me cry. Every single time. I waited in the back of the church with my daddy while my bridesmaids walked down the aisle to this song more than 3 years ago.

Anyway... The Singoff. So good right?! If you haven't seen it yet, it's an all a cappella singing contest and it blows me away. People are so amazingly talented! The winners from last season are a group called Committed. They are seriously unbelievable. But what I think was so cool about them is that they were confident in their gifts and they used them for the glory of God. Even though they were on tv and it was risky for their popularity. Also cool to me was how much everyone respected them for it. They definitely made an impact for Jesus by fearlessly using the talents He has given them.

Today I pray that I would...

#1 be able to decipher what it is God is calling me to do for him.

#2 do it well!

#3 give him the glory. Fearlessly.

"In his grace, God has given us different gifts for doing certain things well. So if God has given you the ability to prophesy, speak out with as much faith as God has given you. If your gift is serving others, serve them well. If you are a teacher, teach well. If your gift is to encourage others, be encouraging. If it is giving, give generously. If God has given you leadership ability, take the responsibility seriously. And if you have a gift for showing kindness to others, do it gladly."

{Romans 12:6-8}

And if he gave you an incredible voice, try out for season 4 of The Sing Off. Do it.

Beauty

The other day I was reading a daily devotion from Reflections for Ragamuffins by Brennan Manning. {By the way, have you ever read Ragamuffin Gospel? I think you should. Brennan Manning is so in LOVE with our Jesus and it's absolutely beautiful the way he writes about grace.} Anyway, I read this:

The narcissistic obsession with weight watching in North America

is a formidable ploy of the impostor. Despite the valid and

important health factor, the amount of time and energy devoted to

acquiring and maintaining a slender figure is staggering. No snack is

unforeseen, no nibble spontaneous, no calorie uncharted, no

strawberry left uncounted... To paraphrase Cardinal Wolsey, "Would

that I had served my God the way I have watched my waistline!"

All of a sudden it hit me. It is going to be hard raising a woman of God in this society of ours! My sweet daughter will be bombarded with image after image of an unattainable, airbrushed, worldly "beauty". How am I going to help her desire to be "clothed with strength and dignity (prov 31:25)" instead of expensive designer labels? How will I teach her to truly believe that she is "fearfully and wonderfully made (psalm 139:14)"?

I prayed about it a lot. And do you know what? It's my responsibility to SHOW her! Do I desire God more than the opinions of others? Do I genuinely believe that God creates beauty and that He created me exactly the way I am. On purpose. To be honest, not always. But I'm definitely working on it.

I've made a rule not to ever speak negatively about myself in front of my daughter. No weight comments, or unaccepted compliments. Don't get me wrong, I think it's very important to teach her to eat healthy and be active, but she needs to grow up seeing that I believe this body is wonderful. Without this body I wouldn't even have my precious Lily Belle, so I forgive it for not being a perfectly toned size 2. I pray that she will grow up so focused on Jesus and loving others that she doesn't even notice all of the unrealistic images telling her what she "should" look like.

And I pray that you will consider making yourself a similar rule. Thank God today for beautiful body he has given you. Show your kids what it looks like to pursue Jesus instead of an unattainable body image.

"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;

but a woman who loves the Lord is to be praised."

Proverbs 31:30

Creative force of love.

"Satan's desire is to turn me in on myself to the extent that I become enslaved and become a destructive force in community. The thrust from Jesus Christ is the opposite- to enhance my freedom so that I can become a creative force of love. It is the spirit of self-centeredness & selfishness versus the spirit of openness & self-sacrifice for the good of others."

-Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Source: google.com via Ashley on Pinterest

I want to be a creative force of love. Anybody else? I'm not sure what it's going to look like but I've been feeling really called to do some lovin' with my creativity. I think I just use it selfishly so many times, which is so sad. I make beauty for myself to enjoy, or I try to figure out how to make money with it, or I think of the process as an escape or relaxation. Not that these are bad things.

But it shouldn't stop there. Hunter and I have been talking a lot lately about finances and what it looks like to truly set aside our pride and trust God to provide for us. I've been struggling since I quit my job because I feel this need to help provide income and I get so caught up in it sometimes that I'm stressed which leads to me not being the best mom to Lily Belle. THAT IS LAME.

That is also why I think I'm feeling such a strong desire to give. I want to be truly generous with the blessings God is giving us. That doesn't mean that as soon as God starts providing us with ___ amount of money we will start donating a tiny portion of it. Unfortunately that's how I tend to think of it. It means that we have a comfortable place to sleep at night, clothing, way to many shoes, an amazing support system, a steady income, health insurance and so much more. It means that if God wants us to own a little house for our children to grow up in, he will provide a way and I don't need to lose any more sleep about it.

It means that I don't have a ton of money to spare but I have got to stop being so dang self-centered. I need to be giving my creativity & my love freely.

If any of you other creative lovers are feeling a similar desire please get in touch with me! Let's be one in heart and mind...let's share everything we have {Acts 4:32}.

"Free is not your right to choose,

It's answering what's asked of you

To give the love you find until it's gone."

-The Avett Brothers

A Monday Miracle

If you didn't get a chance to read yesterday's post, I was pretty excited about giving my time back to God and letting Him take care of it for me. So I took a craft fast (aka I cleaned my gross house instead of painting or baking). After a few loads of laundry and some sweeping in the living room I decided it was time to fix the long white curtains. They are hung too low and the extra fabric just lays on the ground and gets all filthy.

So I threw them all in the wash and tried to decide if it would be a better use of my time to hem the curtains or move all the hardware and curtain rods up higher. As I contemplated I worked on some other things and when it came time to "line dry" the curtains (by hanging them up wet) I realized one accidentally made it into the dryer with the other laundry.

Sure enough, the curtain had shrunk. The amazing thing is that it now fits per.fect.ly. I threw the others in the dryer so fast and cranked it up to high. An hour later I had a living room full of perfectly fitting white curtains AND extra time on my hands to love on my baby and work on my Sugar Mama blog and newsletter!

I know it seems like a silly small thing but I felt really blessed by my curtain miracle. Praise Jesus for not having to get out the sewing machine OR power tools! And Praise Jesus for being so much more powerful than all the things I fill up my time with.

Tithing my time.

I recently came across this blog & it spoke so much truth to me! Hunter and I have experienced God's faithfulness and provision over and over again when we trust Him with our finances. So why do I think that the same God who provides us with enough money to somehow make the ends meet every month shouldn't be in charge of my time as well? Lately I've totally been resting in Matthew 6:25&26

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns and yet your heavenly father feeds them Are you not much more valuable than they?

and Matthew 6:28&29

And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.

But it's like I skipped right over verse 27, because instead of worrying about money I just started stressing about my time! There never seems to be enough to get everything done and to be a good mom, wife, friend, sister, daughter, runner, crafter, cupcake business owner, housekeeper, grocery shopper, etc...

Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

Bam! There it is. I definitely hear a little sarcasm in Jesus' voice when I read it.

"Um... hello!? I'm what's important. Not crafts. Give your time to ME & just see what happens. I'll probably even make you a little extra time for crafts, because I'm awesome like that, but give me the first of your time. You suck at scheduling, so I'll take it from here."

I wonder what pastor Aaron would think if he saw my interpretation of that verse? ha! Probably ask me to be a guest speaker next week. Doesn't matter. That's how it makes sense to me and the whole point is that it does make sense to me now. I'm giving Him the first of my time in the morning so that He can be in control of the rest of my time all day. I feel great about it because I know He is going to do SO MUCH BETTER than me!

Thanks for the pep talk Katie. I'm excited to tithe my time with you!

Full-time mama

It's official. As of today I am no longer employed as a leasing consultant at The Highline on Cherry Creek. It's weird. I'm so sure that this is where I'm supposed to be and God has provided in awesome ways and reassured us that it's the right choice... I'm just nervous.

Confession: I just feel like if I was working a full-time job then I would have an "excuse" if I messed up as a mom. That's lame I know. I'm embarrassed I typed it. Because the truth is I know I'll mess up. A lot. It all goes back to the whole humility concept. Sometimes I'm afraid of going for things 100% because then if you fail everyone knows that you gave it your all... and that wasn't enough. But I'm seeing that in myself and I'm trying to push myself harder. What is the point of doing everything half ass just so it seems like you're successful at everything- when really you're not really succeeding at anything because you're taking the easy way out?

Yikes.

All that to say I'm pumped to give motherhood my whole 100%. I'm going to give it everything I have and that is not going to be anywhere near enough. Luckily, I have a ton of support and a perfect God on my side so Lil is in good hands :)

In other closely related news: we're now living on half the income so I'll be couponing for the rest of the morning. Wish me luck!

On being a mom.

I've officially been a mama for 2 weeks & 4 days now. It's amazing how much you are capable of changing in 18 short days.

The other day my brother (and one of my very best buds) asked me how I looked at life differently since Lily came into the world. Whoa. HUGE question... but that's what I love about Tyler. He is definitely not afraid to throw those big scary questions onto the table. So I've been trying really hard to figure out how to put it into words, but I'm struggling.

It's like every single thing is just a whole new level of awesome, if that makes any sense. Even the things that I didn't think a baby would have any effect on. I mean obviously I love Lily with an intensity I've never experienced before... but I was expecting that. What's crazy is how much more I love my hubby now too. I really loved him a lot before. As much as I was capable at the time I guess. But now it's as though my ability to love has really expanded because of this sweet little baby girl. Amazing. What a huge gift and a blessing! Loving people more and better is just one step closer to being the woman that God created me to be. I mean this little bundle of joy is showing me the gospel in such a tangible way and a way I've never been able to experience it before. I genuinely want to love and take care of people far more than I did before she was here.

Being a mom is also the most humbling experience I've ever had & something tells me maybe it may be the most humbling experience I ever will have. Every single time I look at Lil I am reminded that not only am I not worthy of such a beautiful gift, but I could never create anything near as perfect on my own. She is a blessing and that's it. There is no room for my usual pride and arrogance because all I can do is be so thankful every minute.

There is so much more I could say about this but I think it may already be a bit rambly... I think I'll continue in my journal. Besides, I'm running on a few short hours of sleep so I'll apologize for spelling/ grammar issues ahead of time. (My tiny perfect blessing is HUNGRY these days... I mean like every hour & a half hungry!)