Tuesday, July 12, 2011

On being a mom.

I've officially been a mama for 2 weeks & 4 days now. It's amazing how much you are capable of changing in 18 short days.

The other day my brother (and one of my very best buds) asked me how I looked at life differently since Lily came into the world. Whoa. HUGE question... but that's what I love about Tyler. He is definitely not afraid to throw those big scary questions onto the table. So I've been trying really hard to figure out how to put it into words, but I'm struggling.

It's like every single thing is just a whole new level of awesome, if that makes any sense. Even the things that I didn't think a baby would have any effect on. I mean obviously I love Lily with an intensity I've never experienced before... but I was expecting that. What's crazy is how much more I love my hubby now too. I really loved him a lot before. As much as I was capable at the time I guess. But now it's as though my ability to love has really expanded because of this sweet little baby girl. Amazing. What a huge gift and a blessing! Loving people more and better is just one step closer to being the woman that God created me to be. I mean this little bundle of joy is showing me the gospel in such a tangible way and a way I've never been able to experience it before. I genuinely want to love and take care of people far more than I did before she was here.
Being a mom is also the most humbling experience I've ever had & something tells me maybe it may be the most humbling experience I ever will have. Every single time I look at Lil I am reminded that not only am I not worthy of such a beautiful gift, but I could never create anything near as perfect on my own. She is a blessing and that's it. There is no room for my usual pride and arrogance because all I can do is be so thankful every minute.

There is so much more I could say about this but I think it may already be a bit rambly... I think I'll continue in my journal. Besides, I'm running on a few short hours of sleep so I'll apologize for spelling/ grammar issues ahead of time. (My tiny perfect blessing is HUNGRY these days... I mean like every hour & a half hungry!)


  1. :) I think when you realize that your life was never really your own and now it will never be....was the most awakening that I had. Everything you think, say or do will revolve around her FIRST. How will this affect my baby girl? Thats the first question that instinctively will come to mind from now on. And you are already great at this because you have a great history to refer to from YOUR mom. :) We luv ya!

  2. that gave me goosebumps. i never thought about how the gospel is revealed to us more through parenting...but it's so true. thanks for the reminder!

  3. Oh my sweet daughter. You could not be more right. And here I am 25 (almost 26) years later and thinking some of the same thoughts about you. How truly gifted I am to get to see the picture full circle. I can't imagine how Grandma feels. Love you and your sweet sweet humble spirit so very much.


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